How Do I Trust After Being Cheated On?

If you have a dating question for The Dating Advice Girl, send to Erin@TheDatingAdviceGirl.com

Q. How do you trust the person you’re currently in a relationship with when your previous relationship was all lies, leaving you paranoid?

A. This is tough! It can be hard to trust again after dating someone who wasn’t honest while in a relationship. The best things you can do is ask the right questions, trust your instincts, and leave a past relationship (and everything that comes with it) in the past. The main way to avoid feeling suspicious and to move forward is to be fully present with your current partner. If this partner hasn’t done anything to betray your trust, you have to give him or her the chance to prove themselves, not punish them for someone else’s indiscretions. A relationship cannot be successful with the absence of respect and some level of trust. What is the point if you are going to be constantly checking up on your partner, punishing him or her for past behavior, or in a constant state of worry because you are paranoid that your partner is cheating?

The 3 keys to healing after infidelity are being present with your current partner, forgiving the past behavior, and trusting that your partner is committed based on his or her current behavior. Are you willing to give your partner a fair shot and leave the past in the past? Can you allow yourself to forgive and let go of the baggage attached to a past betrayal? You must be able to forgive a past or current partner to move forward in your relationship. Holding on to the past only holds you back and stops you from fully embracing and enjoying what is right in front of you. Yes, someone cheated on you, and no, it is not okay, but you have to forgive and leave it in the past in order to move forward. You both deserve a fair shot. That is the only way to heal, move on, and flourish in a relationship.

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