If you have a dating question for The Dating Advice Girl, send it to Erin@TheDatingAdviceGirl.com! A new dating question will be posted weekly.
Q. Dear Dating Advice Girl,
I love your show and had a question for you. I have been online dating and find that I am not too interested in one serious relationship mostly because I have been hurt in the past and want to take my time finding someone. I have gone on several dates and there are a few guys who I enjoy hanging out with but I am getting the feeling they are looking for something more. Each guy has different qualities and not sure how to determine which is a better fit for me. So how do I tell them I am not ready for serious yet without hurting their feelings but still get to go out and have fun with them?
A. There’s nothing wrong with seeing a few people in the early months of dating, especially before a commitment has been made, but it’s also important to do what you can to avoid leading on your love-interests. Keep seeing your suitors casually until they officially bring up potentially wanting to make things more official. You could preemptively bring up your desire to keep things casual, but if you do, make sure to keep the convo light while highlighting the positives…Be honest about the fact that you enjoy spending time with your potential love-interests and that you’d like to keep spending time with them, but that you would like to take things slow. Your love-interests will hopefully be on-board with what you are suggesting, but if they aren’t, they’ve just made your job easier by taking themselves out of the equation.
If your love-interest is ready to take things to the next level, and he’s into you, he will most likely hang in there for awhile to see if you change your mind about only being casual. Be prepared though that if he is ready for a commitment and he can see that you seem to be content with the casual nature of the relationship, he may decide to call it quits because you aren’t looking for the same thing. But remember, you should never feel pressured or rushed into exclusivity. Maybe at some point you’ll decide that you do want to be exclusive with one of your guys, but until then, continue to have fun, keep learning about yourself, and keep being honest you’re yourself and your love-interests.
It’s totally your choice to keep your options open when it comes to dating…in fact I encourage it in the early months so that you don’t commit yourself to someone before you’ve gathered enough info about them. There’s nothing worse than committing to someone before you’ve gotten to know who they really are and before you’re actually ready to commit.
Erin Tillman ‘The Dating Advice Girl’