Q. Dear Dating Advice Girl,
You were the first website I came across in my desperate time of need. So for three months I’ve been talking to this guy I met online. The only problem is that he lives 10 hours away from me. Whenever I talk with him, I don’t feel as though he is 10 hours away, I feel as though he is right with me. I understand the hardships of being in long distance relationships, but I find that he is worth it all. For the past three weeks however, I’ve been finding his distance obvious. It’s not how it used to be and it hurts. I don’t know what to say or how to act anymore. I promised I would always be there for him & I am one to keep my promises. So my question to you is should I keep my hope in him and if so, how? Or should I just give up?
A. Long distance relationships can be super tough…especially in the early months of dating when you are developing strong feelings for someone new. Long distance relationships can work, but only if both people involved really want to be in a relationship. Both of you have to be whole-heartedly invested in making it work. Until you both have a discussion about commitment, don’t stop your life! This is also a good lesson for the future….avoid getting into a one-way commitment i.e. committing to be with someone even if they haven’t committed to you. I respect your loyalty, but you don’t want to get yourself stuck in a situation where you are the only one actively working at being in a relationship.
Since you are still getting to know each other, I would suggest taking things slow in terms of jumping into an exclusive relationship with someone that lives far away from you. Again, I respect your loyalty, but I definitely encourage you to keep your options open if or until you and your long distance love-interest decide to commit to each other.
The most important thing for you and your love-interest right now is to make sure that you are both on the same page. To get on the same page, a conversation must be had. Before you let him go of your love-interest completely, I encourage you to have an honest conversation with your guy about your dating status and ask questions like…
Does he want to keep things casual?
Would he like things to progress?
What realistically would YOU like to happen between the two of you?
If you both want things to progress, what steps will you both take to make the long-distance thing work?
The answers to these questions should help you both to make a decision about your future, whether together or separately.
It’s easy for strong feelings to develop in the early months of relationships and new couples start making big decisions starting around the 3-month mark. Even if this relationship doesn’t work out, keep your head up! You will meet others that will be on the same page as you whether they are in your town or far away. Learn from this experience. It will help you in your future relationships whether long-distance or local.
Hugs and love,
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl’