Q. Dear Dating Advice Girl,
What’s the protocol for letting someone know you’re not interested in pursuing anything more with them after a second date? I had a second date about 2 weeks ago. Good times, nice girl, but we don’t have too much in common. We still ended up going back to her place and hooked up a bit. I texted her a few days later to check in and say ‘hi’ but made no plans to hang out again. I don’t want to be a jerk and leave things open-ended, but I’m really not interested in seeing her anymore. What should I do?
A. This situation can be tough, but since the two of you have only gone out 2 times, there’s no need to overstress. It’s nice that you don’t want to hurt this girl’s feelings though. On behalf of women everywhere, thanks for caring! As far as breaking things off delicately goes, here are a few breakup options…
*OVER THE PHONE-Tell her that even though she is great, you aren’t looking for anything serious right now. Tell her that you didn’t want to lead her on because you respect her too much*
*FACE TO FACE-Invite her to a quick casual daytime get-together, like coffee to start the transition from dating into a possible friendship. Pay for her coffee (don’t give her a reason to get angry with you). Tell her that you wanted to ‘break up’ face-to-face because you respect her too much to do it over the phone. Keep the convo casual and friendly. Make sure to keep it short and sweet, an hour max which is easier during the day
*SLOW DISAPPEARING ACT-Lessen the frequency of your calls and texts to her and become less and less available. You being less available sends a message that you aren’t interested in taking things to the next level.
*with both OVER THE PHONE and FACE TO FACE, make it more about you not being in a place where you want a serious relationship rather than her not being the one for you. It will soften the blow for her if it looks like you need space to focus on you, rather than you’re just not into her.
Realize that even thought you are trying your best to break things off respectfully, she still might get upset or angry when you end things. You cannot control her reaction, but if done respectfully, you can lessen the drama that can come from a messy ‘breakup.’ Whatever you do, don’t break it off via text or social media. That is a sure fire way to look like a jerk.
Above all, don’t feel too bad. Not everyone you date is going to turn into a long-term relationship and it sometimes takes a couple dates to figure that out. Having said that, the quicker you end things, the better. If you’re not feeling it, it’s better to move on and date someone that you really want to be with….and allow this girl to find someone who really wants to be with her. Good luck and thanks for wanting to handle this like a gentleman!
Hugs and love,
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl’