Q. Dear Dating Advice Girl,

Sometimes I don’t feel like paying for everything on a date. Is it really that bad if I expect my date to pay for her fair share on a date? Dates can get expensive and I don’t want to end up spending a whole lot of money on someone I’m not that into…

A. While I do understand the economics of always paying for your dates and how that can add up mathematically…chivalry, courtship and good manners trump the numbers on this one. Don’t ruin it for yourself! Why wouldn’t you want to put your best foot forward when dating someone new? Regardless of your dating relationship goals, it only helps you meet that goal if you are treating your date to an evening of fun. If you’re taking care of the cost, you avoid any chance of not paying the dinner bill being the reason for the date going badly. If you decide that you aren’t into your date the first go-round, you can always avoid a second, but especially if you seek a second date with your love-interest, you want to do everything in your power to make sure that you are presenting your best self to get to that second, third, and fourth date.

Whether you pay, your love-interest pays, or you go dutch, you’re sending a message on your date.Unless you’ve agreed to share the cost beforehand, prepare to pay for the entire date. If your love-interest is paying for her half of the bill, she’ll probably assume it’s more of a friendly hangout session than a date. If you are really interested in someone, avoid confusion and take care of the bill to avoid sending mixed messages. That sends a clear message that you are interested. If you decide that you’re not interested in going out again, follow through with the initial date that you’ve committed to, pay the bill and simply don’t plan a follow up date.

I feel strongly that the person inviting someone out should be prepared to take care of all of the details especially if they are choosing the venue, restaurant, or event. When you are the one asking someone out on a date, the assumption is that you are agreeing to take someone out and handle all associated costs. Be sure to plan a date that you are able to pay for without stressing. If you are not intending to cover the cost of the date and you are doing the asking out, be clear up front. Your date may not be financially prepared or able to cover the cost of the date you’ve arranged. Any additional contribution your date makes is an added bonus.

Regardless of which side you are on, it’s all about manners! In dating, as in life…you present your best self first, then adjust accordingly if your efforts are unappreciated or you aren’t getting the result you want. It’s harder to make up for a mistake after the fact than to simply prevent it from happening from the start.

Hugs and love,

The Dating Advice Girl


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