Q. Dear Dating Advice Girl,
Help! I’m so confused about this guy I’ve been dating. We’ve been out about 4 times. My issue is that he’s not very aggressive AT ALL so it leaves me wondering if he’s really feeling me. When we’re together he seems really into me but when we’re not together I get NOTHING from him! In order for us to talk, I have to seek him out or send him a sweet text to let him know I’m thinking about him. I just can’t read this guy and I’m ready to give up on him! Tonight he is cooking dinner for me so I was thinking if it would be a good idea to ask him his intentions or his future relationship goals. I just don’t want to seem pushy or lead him to think that I’m moving too fast. Is this a good idea? I’m 30, he’s 39, we’re both divorced. I have no kids. He has two. I just don’t want to waste my time with him if we don’t share the same relationship goals. Oh I forgot to mention that I totally freeze up around him, so it’s really hard for me to talk to him…I’ve never been this way with anyone. I really like him and it’s only been 2 months…What should I do?
A. It sounds like your guy is in ‘casual dating mode’ for the time being. He likes you and has fun with you when you’re on dates together, but he’s preoccupied with other things when you are not together. Sure, 2 kids and a divorce can be a lot to handle in addition to work and other responsibilities, but he would most likely be way more attentive and communicative if he was interested in something serious. Having said that, this could very well may be his way of communicating so you have to decide if that is enough for you. Here are some things you might want to try/consider…
#1. Ask him directly what his dating goals are right now. Is he only interested in dating casually? Is he open to a relationship that could get more serious? If he is only interested in dating casually and you want something serious, it’s probably best to end things while it’s still early. If you know that you are looking for something serious, and his relationship goals don’t match yours, you might want to move on.
#2. Try to adapt to this slower pace of dating and embrace casual dating with your love-interest. He can be the guy you call every now and again for male companionship, which would be a great option for some single women (and men for that matter). Obviously, you can only do this is if you are okay with only a casual relationship with your potential love-interest.
#3. If you still want to continue to date him, ask him nicely if he could call/text you a little more frequently. You could do this by sweetly telling him, “you know, I’d really love it if we could chat a little more throughout the week….would you be open to that?” You could even try something like, “getting a random text from you throughout the week really makes me look forward to our next date.” Both of those are polite and flirtatious ways to get him to communicate with you a little more frequently. If he’s into you, he’ll make it happen.
Whatever you decide, just make sure you’re enjoying the dating process with your love-interest. The early months of dating should be fun and light-hearted, plus this is the time period that everyone should be putting his or her best foot forward. Your love-interest might be a great guy, but simply may not be the right guy for you at this time. I understand that your guy is a man of a few words, but if a guy can’t communicate regularly and clearly with you, then a serious relationship will never work. A little shyness is fine, but it could be a problem if he’s not willing or able to communicate and let you into his life. Follow your heart!
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl’